It is as though someone declared "the wind has died"

 The very foundations of our world are shaken.

As you can see from my last entry on the 21st, I was fighting off the SAD (seasonal depression) pretty well. I had an uptick and was starting to feel a bit better. I was in a happier place, the weather was warmer and the sky bluer last week.

Mid-week I changed from Celebrex back to my old anti inflammatory Voltaren and my hands and shoulders felt so much better! This gave me a few better nights sleep. I started have some digestive issues on Friday and by Saturday had a full-blown "episode." (you don't want the details)  Hmm, thinking back, I hadn't had an "episode" since switching to the less-effective Celebrex. Needless to say I had to cancel on paddling with my friends that afternoon and barely made it to have dinner with my Ladies of Anglesey friends.

Dinner started with appetizers and drinks in the crowded bar at the DogsfishHead. All was well, and fun, until... Mikele got a call from her brother that our dear friend Shaitan (Greg) had been found not breathing right after he walked off the tourney field. This was a slow-moving disaster, each call, updating for the worse. He was declared dead at the hospital. We toasted his life and decided to skip dinner and walk home to Amy and Scot's house to talk.

That's Shaitan with red and black braids on his helm. credit bogpages.com

I met Shaitan when I was 16 and he was 19. He beat me up in Dagorhir (foam-fighting). He used to spy on me in camp and try to catch me naked. One time he flipped the shower tent door open on me, another time I caught him with his face pressed up against the mesh window of my tent, just as I took my clothes off. He teased me, and flirted with me, and hugged me. He was a force of nature, a satyr, a wood-land spirit, a Coyote.

I am having a really hard time. I am looking at photos of Shaitan and will post some but besides that, I don't know that I can say anymore. I am struggling not to just cry and cry.

Young Shaitan in the middle

Shaitan and Maegor, two of my favorite Tarns. We were young and invincible then.

This is the Greg I didn't know. The community activist, organizer, and all-around-good neighbor. But I'm not surprised at all. He was that kind of guy. Credit Julia 

I don't know who shot this but this was taken earlier in the day, on the day he died

Let Dennis Powers speak for me:

"All battle long I was killing a lot of people on his side and Shaitan was killing a lot of people on my side, but we had not yet (as far as I can remember) faced off against each other, after the last field battle he looks at me and said " you and I are gonna have to go" . Big shield charge into each other, threw a bunch of shots, before long neither of us had weapons or shields, whether we stripped them from each other or discarded them because it got too tight and they weren't doing enough damage, I don't recall . It ended with me having him in a choke hold and him elbowing me in the ribs trying to get loose. The elbows hurt so I dug the choke in a little tighter each time he hit me with one. I wasn't going to let go of the choke and he wasn't gonna stop throwing elbows. Then I foot sweep him and took him to the ground and we grappled around in the dirt a little while. When we heard the woods battle start we disengaged, picked up our weapons and shields and headed off into the woods looking for our respective teams with out a word being said. That was how I met Shaitan. That battle was almost 30 years ago now. We've fought with and against each other many, many, times in the decades since that battle when we were both oh so young. Had a lot of drinks and a lot of gambling , and various other shenanigans. He was my friend and a man I truly respected. That I wont see him again until I cross over that bridge is something I'm trying to wrap my brain around.-------Handrik of Anglesey."



I remember:

bogpages.com Thank you Tim, for providing photos of my memories

We 11 Concusare, Anglesey and Head Clan variously drove and flew to Gulf Wars in 2000. We didn't really coordinate with any other clans, we just wanted to spend time with Crinan, who was coming from Arizona. Llyr and I arrived first, staked camp, and went for a stroll. Lo-and-behold what do we spy but clearly a Tuchux Lodge in a small clearing all by itself?! No, shit, there we were!
We walked up and Llyr shouted "Hail to the lodge" and a voice answered "Enter!"
And there was Shaitan, sitting in a chair at the back of the lodge, looking for all the world like a king of old.
I said "I didn't know you were coming!"
and he said "I didn't know you were coming. We thought we'd be here alone!"
Then I said "but you looked like you were waiting for someone?"
and he said "Well, you know, if I build it, they will come."

In one of the field battles that week we 13, including Shaitan and Kai, ranged far to the left flank of the army and we saw a force of about 250 heading down the field to the far left for a break in the brush and trees at the very lowest corner of the field. It was just wide enough for about 6 or 8 fighters abreast. Shaitan pointed it out and lead us straight down at a full run and into the hole. We held that fucking breach, just 13 of us, and this one lone wolf we'd picked up. We broke that army on the Dog Pound. I remember when the flood of fighters slowed to a trickle and then there were just a handful, and then there was no one facing us. The horn blew and all these dudes came back and shook our hands. We were the Gods of War and Shaitan lead us there.

Us gathering on the field, Shaitan and Kai with us.
 bogpages.com

And I'm going to cry some more.

I learned after 9/11 not to look at stuff about the disaster on the tv too much, added to the whole PTSD experience. So I think I will be taking a break from facebook for the same reason. I will miss the updates and notices and the two or three friends who joined facebook simply because Shaitan's death shook them to the core as well.

But I have to step away to protect my self. I have work to do, a pile of files to audit. I have photos to edit, dogs to walk, a dirty house to clean, and blogs to read and write.

But all I can do is stare into the distance. Or cry, or lay in my bed and snuggle my cat.

This really sucks.