My First World Problems

I have blogged about my health, and multiple surgeries. I have blogged about the recalled pelvic mesh. But this topic, my weight, well I paused a bit before throwing it out there.

Like many people in the States I am over-weight, which is "just a number." I also have to consider my health, a much more important criteria with which to measure one's quality of life. I hope it suffices to say I have spent a lot of time and energy learning to look at myself as healthy and whole rather than "fat," or "flabby." I have to reinforce that "I am good. I am enough. I need nothing more than what and who I am today." But I still struggle. This monkey belongs to me.

In the adventure/outdoors industry being a chubby woman, fat, whatever, is totally unacceptable. A woman's competency is especially judged harshly when she is a fatty. I look less competent because I could stand to lose 20 pounds. This is definitely a hard thing to handle when I have worked so hard and come so far but am still "fat" by some's definition.

While on Tybee Island for the November Rough Water Session, Brian and I stopped by Sea Kayak Georgia a couple of times. On our way off the island the owners of SKG just happened by and so we went into the boat show room with one of them. There, I found the loveliest boat I have ever seen.

It is the middle boat, a Romany Surf 50/50. It is white, white on white. The hull is fiberglass composite and the deck is a carbon/Kevlar composite. It was love at first sight.

You can see the carbon/Kevlar fabric in the dragon logo. I really really want this boat. It is about 10 pounds lighter than my current Surf. That puts it somewhere around 48 or 50 pounds as compared to my nearly 60 pound Surf. I know from handling my Kevlar Current Designs Solstice GTS, at around 45 pounds, that 10 pounds can make a real difference when moving the boat around on dry land. It also changes how the boat feels in the water.

Brian asked SKG's owner to explain why this layup might feel different on the water, why I might want to switch boats. He glanced at me and said something like "It doesn't matter whether the boat loses ten pounds, or the paddler does. The boat will sit higher in the water and handle differently." I felt a sting from his words, probably more than he ever intended.

So I figure I should lose that 10 pounds. If I can do all this other stuff, I can do this thing too. Hopefully, that is, without going into overdrive as I have been done in the past.

Let me finish off this topic by saying I do not feel self-pity over my weight, even though I am frustrated sometimes. I feel lucky over all and do not give my weight much thought generally. I really am more concerned with being healthy. Healthy is good, lucky is good. Hey man, it's all good.

Oh, and I cut off all my hair. I feel lighter already.