Just A Paddler: Some of my many questions

Last year towards the end of summer I had 5 different people, all women, tell me that I was a catalyst for change in their lives. This happened in the lead-up to me leaving the veterinary field, to which I felt married. As each person told me how I had sent them on a path it felt profound. When I was leaving my job I told my boss about these ladies and wondered if this meant I could change my own life, as well?

Americans say "the squeaky wheel gets oil," where as the Japanese say "the nail that stick up, gets hammered down." I know I have always lived my adult life following the second adage rather than the first. I can think of many times I avoided notice on purpose, because it makes me uncomfortable. Uneasily waiting for the hammer to fall.

Anonymity was good for me, most of the time.

Jessica tells me that when ever a client asks about me she tells them I am "living the dream." I have spent quite a bit of time considering what she said. Professionally, I could not be anonymous. I would be lying if I said I am not gratified to hear some clients ask about me. And I am still trying to figure out what "living the dream" really means.

But when I think about how shy I am, and how I always preferred to be anonymous, I wonder what chances I lost?

So I put theses pieces together: being anonymous is not necessary, helping others find a path feels good, knowing people care about me is gratifying...I guess being shy and invisible does not serve the common good as well as putting one's self out there. A light in the dark is visible.

These are things I spend time thinking about. Which direction do I want to carry my light? How can I serve the common good? How best do I go about this thing? Wait, what IS this thing anyway?

And now, some pictures from my life, just because: