I had a tough week, there will not be any pictures of the hard parts

The fall rains have come
All grey awashed, storm ridden
The road has gone under

Lotus flower
Your boat is launched
I set you free

It has been a really hard week for me professionally and personally. That is all I can say, really. As many of my generation do, allow me this quote from the Princess Bride: "life IS pain, Highness."

I found myself silent the last week. I have not written for my blog or created anything. I had to stop and evaluate. Something had to change. It was time.

Several people have told me recently that I was a catalyst for change in their lives. One lady, a kind and thoughtful member of the cat rescue community, told me "you know you sent me on this path? You know that, don't you?" I did not realize, but do acknowledge that I indeed did guide her in that direction. I was profoundly touched. This was the day before I left my office one last time.

My thoughts ran "If I can be a catalyst for positive change in others, why can I not change my own life?" And so I did.

I decided to quit working as an office manager this week. I left the office behind. It was tough, really, so hard that I do not even yet have words to describe it. I had worked there about 18 years. I am aware that my years with the doctors were the longest relationship of my life, other than my biological family and my reenactment family. I guess the doctors and long-term staff were my "third" family. But it was time to say good bye.

There are few things I have ever done that were harder. It had to be.

I left the office for the last time as an employee on Thursday. Today is Sunday. I am still finding I have a tendency to think of the middle of next week as taken up by "work." My life will need a need pattern, a frame work, structure.

I guess this is where the second half begins. A play of two acts, the curtain fell on Act I, now the curtain rises on Act II. I wonder what will happen? And I hope the set designer and play wright are both good.

I leave my reader with some photos of the truest companions I could know in this life time:

Yes, cats, my cats

And my dogs. I am coming to believe that we incarnate, some of us, on purpose to experience love, pure love. And sometimes loyal truest love can only be given by a dog.

Indy, Professor Jones, my sweetheart

Torvald a' Bigbootee, my husband's heart dog

And Kona, the Queen Bee, our "Nugget of Evil"

Hank for Senate and Argus and Fiona

I have shed some tears for Hank. I really feel for his family and their genuine pain. I know how hard it is to go through the grieving period. I really wish them well.

You see, Hank was our patient. We knew him from when he was a little guy. We have known his family as clients for, I estimate, 15 years or more. I remember his dad as a young man, coming into our first location with Sammy, another furry family member. Hey, we were BOTH young then. I have really grown up and grown wise while working at the clinic, and these long term bonds with clients are more than "just business."

(edit, it turns out that Hank was born in 2002. He was only eleven years old. That's a pretty short life for a pampered indoor cat. Most of our patients can expect to see 17 or beyond. Hank's dads did not get enough time with him, they really did not.)

Hank had thousands of fans all over the world; something like 67,000 likes on his facebook page. An astounding 7500 voters wrote Hank's name in during the 2012 election here in Virginia, "throwing their votes away" in order to make a statement about both animal welfare and the fitness to serve of the human candidates. It was the worst campaign season I have ever lived through. The attacks by the candidates on each other were both toxic and disgusting.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/09/hank-cat-senate-third_n_2101887.html

But not Hank's campaign, it was clean and thoughtful. He stayed focused on animal welfare and his team also spun in issues of acceptance and tolerance. How can anyone say we do not need these things?

His "campaign managers" did a smashing job of taking the issue of animal welfare out into the real world of politics. Frankly, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart and mind, Hank's "advisers" are better qualified humans to serve in office than any of the career politicians serving now. And I mean ALL the politicians, every last snake and corporate puppet.

I understand that his dads have been told by many fans that they *should* run for office. I do understand their reluctance. Hank had star power. He was photogenic and personable. We mere humans, his dads included, just can't add up to the super star powers of Hank.

I want to end this part of my blog with a positive thought. Let nothing toxic touch the memory of Hank, and let his pet parents know peace. They are good fellows and Hank was one-of-a-kind. Have peace, and in time, know joy when you remember Hank and his short but spectacular life.

Puppy break! Please ignore the shirtless beer-drinking Lorax in the background...

This week another animal welfare issue had its first anniversary. On February 12th we mourned the day that Gabriel Pilotti shot Argus and Fiona to death for the mere insult of walking on his lawn.

(warning, graphic details)
He literally called Argus to him and then blew his head off from less than 6 feet away. Fiona attempted to flee but he shot her, reloaded his shot gun, and then chased her into a corner of his back fence and shot her again, killing her. I can not tell you how terrifying, horrifying, this incident was to me and the many pet guardians who pay attention to things like this. From the time the dogs climbed over their family's damaged fence to the time they were killed was a tiny 20 minutes. Alive, and then horribly killed in just the blink of a human's life. I admit I know that one or both could have been hit by a car and died during the same 20 minutes. I have been through that very scenario myself. But accidents are so very different than willful slayings.

This incident still haunts me. I look out my door at my fence every morning, checking for downed trees. I check that the gate is closed multiple times a day now. I was already vigilant, but now it is a bit more compulsive.

I am glad Pilotti was convicted of animal abuse. I am glad he had to surrender his gun. I am not sure how long he will be gun-less or that he even feels remorse. It is hard for a leopard to change its spots. I hope his bad decision haunts him. I hope he feels traumatized by all the bad press, and hate mail. His own neighborhood turned against him, as it should. Who shoots a neighbor's dogs for no reason and brags about it? I can only guess at the mental pathology of this person. I can tell you I wouldn't want to live with him as a neighbor.

I am struggling here to end this part on a positive note. There is a whole lot of pain in life. I would not want add to it. I do not want the negative energy of Pilotti to bleed into my blog. So, here it the positive thought: By convicting Pilotti the legal system has precedence to stand up to property owners who hurt helpless animals who stray on to their property. This was a SCORE for the animal welfare crowd.

We will over come. We will speak for helpless, just as my husband James has stood up and spoken (often) for the trees. (and the natural world and dolphins)

Shame shame shame, change change change

Then, let there be peace.

Calusa Blueway Trip Report Part 1

First off, props to Bill and Mary Burnham. If you are looking for an all inclusive guided trip in the Florida Everglades or Keys and Barrier islands I can not more highly recommend the Burnhams. Their knowledge of the area, tides, lodging, and weather is solid. And they cook smashing food! They even managed to provide me, the gluten-adverse, and James (no raw tomatoes) with plenty of yummy food. http://www.burnhamguides.com/

Mary

Bill

Mary and Bill below (with Jaclin) while making us lunch. It seems like this is the day they made the best tuna salad I have ever eaten!

Now for the trip: We left icy nasty Northern Virginia at about 8 pm Wednesday 1/29/14. We drove until about midnight, stayed at a Days Inn (I think, I was pretty torched). We drove the rest of the trip starting at 07:00 the next morning after (free) breakfast at the hotel. That night we were booked at the Bokeelia cabins that were conveniently located at the launch site. http://tropicstaradventures.com/

We finished our 1100 miles journey at about 8 pm. Whew.

We were to meet our group and guides at 10 am on 1/31/14 at the launch. 

We started packing and discarding items from our kits at 6 am. Mary had sent us a list of suggested items and said to use a 20 liter dry bag for clothes and a 5 liter for cosmetics. They provide the bags but we had our own and didn't use any of theirs. We brought our own camping stuff, tent, sleeping pads, etc, as well. We also had one 5 liter dry bag of electronic stuff chargers, batteries, head lamps. And I had to carry a 5 liter bag of meds and personal stuff that is kind of unmentionable but goes along with my chronic health issues.

Jaclin launching, and others preparing to carry the fully loaded boats down. We used four or more people to carry each boat. The Burnhams have worked out a system to move the fully loaded boats without damaging them.

The Burnhams can provide boats but we brought our own. Myself I brought my Current Design Solstice GTS and James brought his Point 65N XO 16. We put our deck bags on and stuffed the heck out of our boats. We each received a full 10 liter water bag (dromedary) to carry for the group. As well, I received a package of frozen shrimp which I tossed up fore of my foot pegs and James stowed group cook ware. 

It was cool and rainy when we launched. We paddled out of Bokeelia and on to Cayo Costa Island (Cayo Costa State Park) where we had a two night stay booked in a pair of primitive cabins and two campsites. The water was a bit rough so I didn't take many photos of the start of our journey.

James

Myself right after launch

Right from the beginning my camera acted up. This Nikon Coolpix AW100 is toast. It was at one time water proof but the gasket around the battery/card slots now lets a slight amount of water in. I had planned ahead and brought 60 1 gram silica packs. I stowed the camera in a clear dry bag with 5 new packs each night. In the morning it would be dry but inevitably I would either drop the camera in the water or take a good splash up over the deck and poof, the camera would be fogged up inside again. From today on, I have no water proof camera. It either stays in a dry bag designed for cameras or I just don't carry one. Sadly, this must be. Eventually I will be able to replace it but I am fund-less until at least  April. I must pay to play and so sadly, must return to my desk at the cat hospital in order to buy new gadgets and just be on the water, in general.

But enough of that, the trip report awaits! Ah, birds...This is very front and center for me. I paint and use photos I have taken to assist me in recreating the beautiful bird life I have witnessed. Birds are dear to my heart.

Yellow Crowned Night Heron seen with in five minutes of the group launching

ubiquitous selfie...

 We stopped for a lunch break on a tiny mangrove island half-way to Cayo Costa.

Kind of rough landing amongst the mangroves. There is a technique to landing on barely existent beach among mangroves, which I had to learn, and would serve me well on the 6 day trip

As I said, the water was a bit rough and the camera, not so good

Approaching the beach where we would be camping

The water went from a dark gray blue in the Pine Island Sound to an amazing opaque turquoise-green as we passed on to the Gulf side of Cayo Costa Island. As the water was rough it was wasn't clear as it would be on following days. The beach was soft sand, a big difference from the Keys that I had paddled a mere three weeks ago. We set up our tent in the site next to the Burnhams, opting to sleep together rather in the gender assigned group cabins.

The next morning dawned cloudy but warmer and with quiet winds.

Nice collection of high end boats. Current Design was well represented with the largest number of boats under their brand.

I had an embarrassing episode the night before where in my 2 liter dry bag holding my actual meds, antihistamines, you name it, had gone missing. It had worked its way into the long nose of my "Dragon" boat and was not visible to myself, nor the three other people who looked. Dork. Bill saved "the day" when he reached his long long arm all the way into the boat and was just able to feel it and snake it out. So the next morning I put the one tiny dry bag in a larger clear 5 L dry bag which I would then carry with me for the duration of the trip. I put the long bright green Hawaii lanyard on it, both to make it easy to see and easy to carry on my shoulder, almost like a hand bag. If one really gets to know me, one of the first conclusions reached will be that I love bags, bags of all sorts. So it was comical to me to be forced to carry this dry bag as a purse. You can see the 5 L bag I mention on the deck of my boat above. Really embarrassed myself, but now it's just comical.

We were sight seers this day. We had a base camp and a group of us, minus Mary, paddled out in the after noon to explore Cayo Costa. It was an interesting trip. At one point we portaged over the island from the Gulf side to a static lagoon on the other side. From there we paddled out into the Pine Island Sound and back around to our campsite, about a 13 mile circuit. We had a nice dinner and fire with s'mores. We headed back to camp to police our stuff for the early morning take down and launch.

James

There is heartbreaking sobbing coming from an exam room

When any client says goodbye to their beloved pet it is a sad thing. Some clients bring family, some come alone. We offer hugs, condolences, and reassurance that they are doing the right thing. But still, it is very hard. As veterinary staff and doctors know, we are called upon every day, every moment, to extend compassion not just to animals, but to people as well. One of my coworkers told me that I was suffering from compassion burnout right before I left for vacation 12 days ago. I needed that time in the Keys. I really really did.

At work a couple of weeks ago one of the practice owners received a message from a past client demanding that the doctor return their call. This person refused to give even the briefest hint to the receptionist taking the message. Normally, one can't just call a doctor's office and get a doctor on the phone. Try it; see how far you get. But in this case it was a new receptionist, a kind person perhaps a bit easily bullied.

No one wanted to return this client's call. This is a client whose name is bandied about rather like Freddy Krueger's; a name used to incite fear and loathing in any staff member who has had the misfortune of dealing with them.

Alas, it turned out that "Freddy" was calling in hopes of his pet seen for free or nearly for free. Freddy reasoned that we had been seeing him for a "long time," and perhaps he felt we owed it to him. In this situation it came down to this: this person had been merciless with our staff and doctors over the years, a real genuine bully. Because of this behavior they had zero compassion in the "compassion bank." Their expectation of free service was a bit humorous to us.

None the less I was bothered by the episode and the next day I asked one of the practice owners if we should go ahead and see the pet for free? If maybe, just maybe, it was the "right" thing to do? She said "Right? As in 'right' when you reach the Pearly Gates?" I replied "yes" and gave my reasoning. She was not convinced in either direction. So I was left with a question unanswered.

After the incident I left on vacation. In quiet moments I re-visited this episode and the fact that I felt I had failed to be compassionate. Or, on more reflection, is my definition of compassion skewed? Does compassion equal "free service?" I did come to the conclusion that I should offer compassion equally to all. It is not my place to judge whether a person is worthy of compassion or not. "I will offer compassion, I will turn away fear," is my mantra during meditation. And yet I feel I failed some how.

I wish I could say this story has a happy ending. But at this time we do not know what will happen. There may be no happy ending.